"I know what I'm supposed to do as a leader. But it still feels like I'm pretending."

This is what a new leader told me last week. And I remember feeling the exact same way when I was a new leader.

He's been in the role for six months. He knows what to do: set clear expectations, hold people accountable, communicate the vision. And he is doing all of it. But he still feels like he is performing a version of leadership that doesn't quite fit.

When we talked about it, it came down to one question: What does authentic leadership actually look like?

Underneath that was a quieter fear, that becoming the "right" kind of leader will mean losing the parts of himself that made him effective in the first place.

I remember feeling that same tension. I had all these ideas about what a leader was supposed to sound like, look like, act like. And none of those images felt natural to me.

Through that struggle, a few things shifted how I think about this.

First, it's natural to not know how to lead when you're new to it. The skills are different. The criteria for success shifts when you move from individual contributor to people leader, and it shifts again when you move from leading individuals to leading other leaders. You're learning a new world, and that's disorienting.

But, the second thing is that there isn't a "right" way to do it.

Each of us is wired differently. What matters more than trying to lead the "right" way is understanding what your role requires and finding ways to meet those expectations through the leadership style that comes naturally to you.

Because when you try to lead in a way that isn't truly you, two things happen.

First, it feels off to you. You're constantly leading from your head instead of your instincts.

Second, the people you're leading can feel it. And inauthenticity erodes trust.

I've seen this pattern dozens of times now. When people sense their leader isn't showing up as themselves, everything downstream gets harder.

You'll know when you're leading authentically because it feels different.

When you're performing, it feels forced, like you're going against the grain.

But when you're leading from a place that's true to you, things flow. It feels like you're moving with the grain instead of fighting it.

Authority isn't about certainty. It's about presence and authenticity. And that doesn't require you to become someone else. It just requires you to be who you already are.

If this resonated, when do you feel most like yourself as a leader? What's happening in those moments that makes it feel different?